Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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