So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
