life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
