So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
