yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
