Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
