Hey man sorry I got all grabby
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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