Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She bit a glass in half.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
