i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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