this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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