You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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