dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
