I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
