i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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