i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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