My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
