he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
