Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
