She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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