I have demons in me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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