zippers are such a cool invention
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
