i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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