the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
