if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
