I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
