the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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