i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
