I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
