You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
