you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
