So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
