he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
