I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
