i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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