dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
