dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
