you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
