Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
