Already got asked if we're dating
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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