we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
