gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
