And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
