okay pat passed out under dana's car
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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