Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
