dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
