smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
