My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
