im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
