Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
