hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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