I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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