The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
