I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
