I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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