I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
