I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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