I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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