i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
