Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
