: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
